Like most parents, you probably love seeing your kids playing together and getting along. The bonds siblings share can be very special, as they often tend to rely on each other and support each other. However, no matter how strong their bond is and how much fun they often have together, it is common for that loving and playful dynamic to shift to an angry and resentful state in the blink of an eye. Oftentimes, parents are caught off guard when this shift happens and have difficulties explaining this phenomenon known as sibling rivalry.
What is sibling rivalry?
Sibling rivalry is typical in sibling relationships no matter the age difference. Parents often begin seeing the signs of sibling rivalry shortly after the birth of their second child. It is important to remember that the older sibling is used to receiving all the love, affection, and attention of his or her parents before their new sibling arrives. But when the new sibling arrives, reality hits and suddenly the older brother or sister has to share the parents. They are often told to wait their turn or may observe their mother or father run to the baby when the baby cries. For a child, especially a young child, this is often confusing and can lead to some acting out behaviors.
Signs to look for in younger children:
-Increased tantrums
-Aggressive behaviors
-Mean words towards the sibling
-Tattling
-Often trying to get parents attention by talking really loud or constantly seeking praise
-Snatching toys or other objects from the sibling
Sibling rivalry tends to continue throughout childhood and adolescence and can look different in older children and adolescents. The most common signs of sibling rivalry in older children include:
-Jealousy
-Verbal attacks
-Frequent arguments
-Easily irritated when the sibling is present
-Purposely leaving a sibling out of an activity
How do I give each child the attention that they need?
Since our children are often seeking individualized attention, it is important to try to carve out some individualized time with each child on a daily basis. This also allows each child to bond one-on-one with each parent. This one-on-one time should be child-centered, which allows the child to lead the play or choose an activity to participate in with a parent. If you are engaging in an activity that your child enjoys, then he or she is more likely to stay engaged and enjoy their special time with you. As children get older, they may benefit from opportunities to speak to parents alone, without their siblings present. In such situations, parents should make an effort to give their child their undivided attention and avoid bringing up the other sibling to the conversation.
There are times when sibling rivalry situations may seem unmanageable and impact the family as a whole. In such cases, it is recommended that parents seek out the help of a psychologist who can work with the family. Family therapy services can provide siblings with a safe and therapeutic environment to explore difficult dynamics and help them develop effective resolution skills.
Finding a psychologist may seem like a daunting task; however, psychologists at The Miami Psychology Group are available to provide services in the Miami and Miami Beach area. Please contact our office to find out more about therapy services we provide in Miami and surrounding areas.