Have you ever felt frustrated at not getting your point across? This tends to escalate the conversation and it can turn into an argument where neither party feels understood. When you feel “attacked”, your defense mechanism kicks in and you are no longer able to fully listen and understand what is being said. You then become flooded (hyperarousal) and require at least 20 minutes to disengage from the argument, engage in deep breathing exercises or go for a walk. Ideally the activity should be something that you find soothing. This gives you the time to settle your hyperarousal and are then able to go back with a clearer understanding of the salient issues and a better idea on how to get your point across.

Communication
Closer Communication

This exercise takes a minimum of 20 minutes according to relevant research. Don’t be surprised if it takes longer. If you feel you are not able to reach a state where you can discuss things in a productive manner, ask the other person for a place and time to talk about the issue again. This way you can cognitively prepare while keeping in mind that productive conversation is the goal, even if the outcome is to agree to disagree.

There are many strategies that can be used to improve communication this being one of them. We at the Miami Psychology Group are specialized in these techniques and can help you improve your communication and by doing so decrease the frequency of arguments and increase the feeling of being heard and understood. You are not alone. The Miami Psychology Group is here to help.

Frequently Asked Questions

To improve communication and avoid arguments, consider giving yourself at least 20 minutes to disengage when you feel overwhelmed. Engage in relaxing activities like deep breathing or taking a walk to calm down. This can help you return to the conversation with a clearer mind and a better understanding of the issues. If necessary, schedule a time to discuss matters when both parties are ready to communicate productively.
If you feel attacked during a conversation, your natural defense mechanisms might make it difficult to listen fully. In such cases, it's important to take a break for at least 20 minutes. Use this time to calm yourself through activities you find soothing, helping you to re-engage in the discussion with a clearer mindset. Seek to address the issue later if you need more time.
Disengaging from a heated conversation is recommended because it helps reduce hyperarousal, a state where you're unable to process information effectively. Allowing yourself a break of at least 20 minutes for activities such as deep breathing or walking can help settle your emotions, allowing you to return to the conversation with a better ability to communicate and reach a productive resolution.
Improving communication skills can involve several strategies, one of which is taking time to manage emotional hyperarousal during intense discussions. This involves pausing for at least 20 minutes to engage in calming activities, enabling clearer thinking. Such strategies are aimed at reducing misunderstandings and fostering a more constructive dialogue.
To prepare for a productive conversation, consider taking a break if emotions become too intense, allowing at least 20 minutes for calming activities. This pause allows your emotions to settle, helping you return with a clearer perspective and readiness to address the conversation calmly, aiming for mutual understanding or agreeing to disagree amicably.